Happy Easter

Happy Easter to one and all. But I hear you say – ‘Where have you been Fat Bess?’

Well the simple answer is that I have been plagued by Little Nel, who thinks that she can be top dog.

So I have had to watch my back and play a patient game, but recently I had to teach her a lesson – she didn’t like that, but at least she is showing me the respect that I deserve. Lambing has also started, so I have been helping manage this operation. This is very important as there are plenty of lambs to lick and lots of afterbirth to eat – yum yum.

However, the main reason that my blog has lacked any update is because of my poor choice in ghostwriter. 

Yes, I must tell you that I employ someone to write this. In recent times my age and expanding waistline has meant that I can no longer type and so, with great reluctance, I employed the services of an agent to help me. Sadly my choice proved to be a bit poor – hence my absence from these pages. However, I have had a stern word and here I am. 

 

But now the lazy git is complaining that he can’t remember passwords or how it works! Time to consider outsourcing this operation me thinks. Let us give him one more chance and see if he can make amends. 

 Love and licks – Bess

 

Time for a break

I must apologise to my avid readers for not blogging for such a long time, I do know that many of you have wondered where I have been. Well for a little while I was digging a hole in the garden hedge, this started off as a bit of a wheeze – to hack off the people who live with me. But then I found some of my old strength and decided to see how far I could go, so Hobbit like I hollowed out a little hole for myself where that dim wit ‘Get Down’ couldn’t get to me.I mean, I may be old, but I don’t piss my pants all the time! The late summer is usually a bit of fun for me as Pasty turns up and I let him play ball with me. Although, now he has made double figures in a cricket match he will probably think he is above playing with me! Well I can tell you, he may have made 11 runs but he sure writes a load of tosh on his blog! Get on with it man, you made ‘The order of the Phoenix’ seem short! Apparently Pasty is bringing a gang of rotund people with him, so I should fit in nicely. I think Two Sheds is President of this gaggle and it will be nice to see him again, although after his latest effort with the bat I will suggest that he joins the Primary Club, a distinguished organisation that he could join with the Fat Hobbit, who should be some sort of life member by now. I hope they play a game down here so I can show them how it is done.There are no quick runs when I am around – and I am very round!Well, time for me to go and chase some rats, besides if I go on any longer I will be in danger of being more verbose than Pasty – it was only 11 runs man, get a grip.Now where did I put my pads….

Potatoes are nice

You may have heard that I like raw potatoes, well it is true. They are lovely, much better than raw onions (yes Pasty did trick me into eating one). I like to pick up a raw potato, or have it thrown at me, sit down and eat all of it. Yummy. If you don’t believe me here I am eating on.  

Wogan’s mighty putt

 I like playing golf – especially catching the balls, although I don’t think it is part of the rules. This putt from Sir Terry is the stuff of legend…. if I was there it would never have made it  

Nice day in the sun.

I do like summer, nice long days in the sun when I can just sit outside and enjoy the fine weather. It is also great because the sheep need to be moved a lot and so I get to chase them around the farm. I can also bite a few ankles – just to remind them who is boss.

Although I am sure that you think I couldn’t be a nasty doggy or anything like that! However, I must also make sure the sheep know that collie dogs are not to be messed with. The people I live with have to keep ‘Get Down’ tied up as she is a bit tempermental. Also she is not as clever as I am – she certainly doesn’t have a blog!

She certainly drives me mad with her howling. I would have thought by her age that she should stop crying everytime she gets left behind. The people I live with often cry when they use her to bring the animals in, they will learn one day!

However, one of them has gone on holiday to one of the Greek islands and left my Granny’s dog with us – little terrier called Lucky, who is great fun, although Get Down wants to have a fight with her, silly dog.

Of more importance is keeping an eye on the funny looking cat. I mean who would give house room to a cat, especially one that turns its lip up all the time.

Funny things cats.

Computer lessons

I have tried to learn how to use the computer, however I have been frustrated by Windows. One of the problems is that I can’t get the main keys to work, namely ctrl + alt + del. As you can see I had a bit of a rant when Windows went wrong.

I was trying to show “Get Down” how a computer worked when the screen froze, I had to use a few choice words. Let me know if you think my skills are okay.

Party time

Hello Patrick, please do come in. Sherry? Sherry!
What a lovely looking rat… er I mean Hamster you are. Do you like potatoes? I think they go well with most things. What a lovely hat, are you a wizard?
Now do please come and make yourself comfortable.

A wonderer returns

Well it has been a little while since I have written, but that in part is because the farmer I look after took so long to get me out of the shed. And now I find they have let a cat back into the house and are feeding her in the conservatory!?! I mean a CAT….. of all the things to let into a house – just look at her and her sister.

I work every hour rounding up sheep, chasing rats and trying to train the new collie and I come back from the fields to find those two cats in the sun and drinking milk. I mean I sat and looked a them – I could not believe it.

At least the Pastydancer will be visiting soon – days spent chasing lids and some new information about a hamster called Patrick. We have some nice new potatoes down here and I think he would go well with them, lightly chased and served al dente.

Welcome to my world

This is a bit difficult as you can probably tell from my picture I am a canine. I thought that it was time I got into this tinternet business as everyone seems to be talking about it. Personally I would prefer to be chasing cats, sheep or a hamster called Patrick – but you can’t have everything. It is also raining and I don’t really like it when it is wet.

Well I will try and post an update of my life so you can keep up to date with the latest in the world of Fat Bess